SINGAPORE: A young woman's emotional turmoil

A young woman recently opened up about her emotional turmoil on Reddit, questioning whether she is in the wrong for resisting the idea of returning to Singapore to live with her single mother.

In a candid post on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she revealed that upon her return home for the holidays, family members began suggesting that she should move back permanently to take care of her mother, who is now in her 60s. Despite understanding their concern, she expressed her struggles with the thought.

“I do feel bad sometimes about her being alone at this age,” she shared. “However, I’ve tried to be a good daughter by checking in regularly and even taking her on trips annually.”

The struggle with controlling behavior

Acknowledging the sacrifices her mother made to ensure a good life for her and her brother after their father’s death, she still battles feelings of resentment due to her mother's controlling demeanor. “Living with her makes me feel like I’m not myself. She nitpicks every little thing I do— from how I squeeze toothpaste to how I clean my room.”

The emotional weight of past incidents resurfaced as she recalled a particularly hurtful moment when her mother belittled her aspirations. “I once cut my hand while peeling an apple, and she mocked me, saying, ‘You can’t even peel an apple properly, and you want to study abroad?’” Despite this, she persevered, achieving her dream of studying overseas two years ago. “Living abroad has transformed my life. I feel free and independent, and friends have noted how much I’ve flourished.”

Family dynamics and the burden of care

Her brother, currently residing in Singapore with his family, echoes her sentiments about their mother. "He told me he wouldn't live with her either because their personalities clash. They fight easily,” she noted, highlighting the family's complicated dynamics.

Caught in a dilemma between her flourishing life abroad and her obligations to her mother, she turned to the Reddit community for guidance. “Am I a bad daughter for letting my mom live alone? Although she is capable now, I worry about the future,” she questioned.

Responses from the Reddit community

Many commenters advised her to prioritize her own happiness rather than succumbing to familial guilt. One user poignantly remarked, "It's your life and career. Your brother shares responsibility in caring for your mother as well." They encouraged her to make decisions based on her own needs without being swayed by relatives' opinions.

Alternative suggestions poured in, ranging from financial support for hiring a domestic worker to moving back but maintaining independence by living nearby. “You don’t want to regret not spending time with family later,” a redditor cautioned, drawing parallels to their own regrets about missed opportunities with family.

Broader societal implications

This conversation has ignited a broader discussion on the balance between filial duty and personal happiness, particularly within Singapore's cultural context. As society evolves, many face similar conflicts, weighing the need for care against the pursuit of personal ambitions.

Related issues in parental expectations

In parallel news, another Singaporean shared a harrowing encounter with parental expectations when his parents admonished him for not qualifying for junior colleges, stating, “You won’t be able to support us after all we have done for you.” Their harsh words ignited discussions about mental health and the pressures faced by young people in societal frameworks that heavily emphasize academic success.

This case echoes the sentiments surrounding familial pressures and the struggle for individuality, resonating with many seeking to carve a balance between their own lives and family responsibilities.