After 15 years in tech reviewing, I've finally met my match: a bizarre robot attack dog that pees, tells stories, and even has a questionable turret—meet Clippy.

Delivered in a somewhat battered box, I was immediately intrigued by the bold label reading "FIRE BULLETS PET." Behind a shiny plastic window, there he was—Clippy—a plastic menace that my four-and-a-half-year-old promptly named.

Clippy is a robot dog in the most entertaining way possible, clearly inspired by the incredible (and slightly intimidating) robotic dogs from Boston Dynamics, a company at the forefront of the robotics revolution.

For just $50 (or less if you opt-out of the—uh—pellet gun), I didn't expect miracles. But having been seduced by an Instagram ad showcasing this curious gadget for the price of a few drinks in London, I couldn’t resist!

What followed was a lesson in approaching social media ads with skepticism—but it was also an absolute blast.

Unboxing Clippy: First Impressions

Upon unboxing, I encountered some of the cheapest, shiniest plastic imaginable. Don’t get me wrong—I love plastic, but Clippy and his remote felt like a flimsy Christmas cracker toy.

Clippy’s body has some heft, but his spindly legs certainly looked unprepared for combat—unless you count being bombarded with water-absorbent pellets!

The controller, however, felt like it was filled with helium. Shaped similarly to an Xbox controller, it features buttons that are hilariously ineffective, which I couldn't help but enjoy despite their utter uselessness.

When I finally powered on Clippy, I was hit by a wave of noise. His shrill built-in speaker left me frantically searching for a volume button—there wasn't one!

Naturally, I pressed the "urinate" button first. Clippy’s leg rose, and what I didn't expect was cheerful whistling and the unmistakable sound of water splashing into a toilet.

Clippy's Wild Talents

Curiosity piqued, I pushed the "handstand" button, hoping for impressive acrobatics. Instead, Clippy faceplanted dramatically, generating a loud thud. Moments later, his legs twitched as if in a comical attempt at scissor kicks.

Despite his clumsiness, Clippy popped back up, ready for action!

Clippy's controller boasts a whopping 17 functions. Here are some highlights:

- **Kung Fu**: Instead of badass moves, Clippy dances to poolside lounge music.

- **Swimming/Dance**: Picture Usher’s moves on the dance floor—Clippy embodies them, but he’s definitely not waterproof!

- **Push-Up**: Clippy performs push-ups while blasting the iconic guitar riff from "Eye of the Tiger." Need I say more?

- **Storytime**: Listening to Clippy narrate a bizarre tale about a toothless cat and a grumpy woman felt more like a comedy skit, thanks to an Eric Cartman-like voice.

Pellet Warfare: The Reality Check

According to the product description, Clippy’s turret can launch water bombs for a fun attack mode. However, upon opening the tiny packet of blue projectiles, I realized they were just gelatinous balls that needed soaking.

In our makeshift firing range (aka the bathtub), I attempted to launch the pellets, only to be met with lackluster results. The pellets dribbled out with less urgency than a ketchup bottle!

Should you buy this oddly charming robot? Undoubtedly. While it may not perform as advertised, Clippy has reignited the joy of childhood play in my son. Every morning, he would enter our bedroom with a raucous story or belting guitar riff, even if the novelty is wearing thin.

Eventually, Clippy may gather dust in a corner—perhaps ending up in a thrift store, waiting for another family to be entertained and bemused by his antics. Here’s hoping they enjoy Survivor too!