Introduction

In Singapore, a family is grappling with the decision of whether to keep their domestic helper after observing a series of troubling behaviors that challenge trust and boundaries.

The Issues

In a post on the ‘MDW in Singapore’ Facebook group, the employer, who wishes to remain anonymous, revealed the escalating issues she’s encountered during the helper's 18-month tenure. Initially a solid fit for the family unit, the situation took a turn when the employer discovered that the helper was leaving the house without permission during the family's holiday.

The employer noted, “We saw via home cameras that she left the house for two hours on three separate days without informing us,” a revelation that subsequently raised red flags about the helper’s reliability.

Additional Concerns

Compounding these concerns was the helper’s tendency to ignore established house rules. The employer mentioned how the helper continued to order personal packages delivered to the family’s address despite direct instructions not to do so.

Even more troubling, she invited another helper over to the home without seeking prior approval—a serious breach of the household's trust.

Changing Contact Information

Additionally, the employer expressed her unease over the helper changing her phone number three times since beginning her employment. “While we’ve done our utmost to support her—covering her hospital bills and lightening her workload by enrolling our baby in school—her actions don’t align with the gratitude she has expressed,” said the employer.

“We’re at a crossroads, debating whether to offer her another chance or to terminate her contract.”

Seeking Advice

Seeking advice on how to navigate this delicate situation, the employer turned to the online community, asking, “Has anyone dealt with similar issues? How would you handle this?”

Community Feedback

Responses varied greatly. Some commenters urged the employer to take decisive action, suggesting that the helper’s repeated boundary violations warranted termination. One user bluntly advised, “Send her back. Too many safety issues to consider,” while another cautioned, “1.5 years in, and this is blatant disregard for house rules. Act accordingly.”

Conversely, there were voices of support for the helper, questioning the employer’s strictness regarding the helper’s outings when the family was away. “She’s an adult, not a prisoner,” one commenter noted, emphasizing the importance of understanding her perspective.

Dialogue and Understanding

Additionally, several users defended the helper’s decision to change her phone numbers, suggesting it might be related to seeking better mobile deals rather than any malicious intent. One commenter encouraged a dialogue, saying, “Talk to her. Do not get lost in your assumptions; there could be valid reasons for changing phone numbers.”

Expert Recommendations

For employers facing similar dilemmas, experts recommend open communication as a first step. The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) advises addressing concerns directly with the helper. If issues persist, employers can seek assistance from their Employment Agency or organizations such as the Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore) and the Centre for Domestic Employees, which offer mediation resources.

Conclusion

As the debate on the helper’s conduct continues online, this incident sheds light on the fine line between employer expectations and employee autonomy, urging both sides to engage in constructive conversations.