Introduction

In a revealing letter, a mother writes to advice columnist Eric about her changing financial situation following a divorce. Initially, she and her ex-husband had equal incomes and shared their assets fairly. However, after parting ways, the mother describes feeling liberated—eliminating what she terms a "200 pounds of deadweight" has allowed her to concentrate on her career, leading to a significant income increase. Meanwhile, her ex-husband's financial status has stagnated.

The Dilemma

Now, as their child prepares for college in the fall, the couple had agreed to split all expenses evenly. With the child receiving substantial scholarships, the mother finds herself in a position where she can comfortably cover the full remaining tuition herself. Concerned about her ex's financial capability to pay his share, she contemplates her options.

She presents two potential courses of action: One is to contribute only her half of the expenses while saving the surplus for the child's future needs, such as graduate school or a first home. This would serve her long-term financial health and provide a safety net for unexpected costs that might arise during the child's transition to adulthood.

The second choice is to take on a greater financial burden by paying for the entire tuition, which would relieve her ex-husband from financial pressures but would ultimately reduce her ability to save for future expenses for their child. The mother expresses a strong desire to avoid placing her child in debt, especially in the form of student loans.

Advice from Eric

In his response, Eric advises her to opt for the first choice—maintaining her financial independence and setting aside funds for future expenses. He emphasizes the importance of protecting her own interests in this situation. By focusing on her own financial stability, she can better support her child’s future without being overly concerned about her ex-husband's circumstances.

Eric also highlights that young adulthood is often characterized by unforeseen costs, making it prudent to have a reserve to navigate those challenges.

Conclusion

This situation illustrates a significant shift in dynamics post-divorce, where one partner’s empowerment can create dilemmas about fairness and responsibility towards their child’s future. It's a tough balance to strike, and her decision may influence not just her financial health but also her child’s trajectory into adulthood.

The dilemma resonates with many individuals in similar circumstances, prompting the question: How do you navigate financial responsibilities in a post-divorce context while ensuring your child's best interests remain a priority?