For three decades, I embarked on a relentless pursuit to uncover the secrets of happiness, only to find that the answer was far simpler than I ever imagined.

In a compelling and candid reflection, I delve into my battles with PTSD and depression. During my search for equilibrium in life, I stumbled upon insights that resonate not only with those grappling with severe mental health issues but also with anyone craving a spark of joy.

A transforming moment struck me strongly almost two years ago while I was exploring the serene Curragh beach in Ardmore, County Waterford—a cherished sanctuary from my childhood. As I stopped by a river melding into Ardmore Bay, I listened intently to the symphony of water sounds—the swift glide of the river flowing, the surf rhythmically meeting the shore.

Suddenly, a flock of Brent geese soared overhead, their wings displacing air and filling the skies with unexpected sounds. A rush of emotion enveloped me, and in that instance, I was swept away by a profound sense of lightness and gratitude, causing me to laugh aloud. “So, this is how it feels,” I thought, experiencing what Milan Kundera described as the “lightness of being.”

That day resonates in my mind, especially upon reflecting on the phenomenon of Blue Monday—the day that claims to be the saddest of the year. However, for those of us acquainted with clinical depression or PTSD, sadness knows no calendar; it can arise even in moments of beauty and brightness.

Battling Inner Demons

Not long before the invigorating encounter with nature, I had clawed my way back from an emotional collapse in March 2023. It felt like exiting a fight with myself—a battle I had lost for the better part of my life. Decades of admission to hospitals for various treatments left me grappling with shame, fear, and anger—emotions that stood starkly opposite to the concept of happiness.

The struggle with addiction further complicated my reality, as I ventured through years of recovery from alcoholism in the late 90s. The poignant layers of my past, entwined with trauma from my work as a war correspondent and childhood challenges stemming from familial alcoholism, formed the complex backdrop of my predicament.

Although I sought solace by immersing myself in my work at BBC, even great achievements could not shield me from further breakdowns. In 2019, I stepped back from being the Africa Editor, but still, the emotional toll loomed heavy.

The Science Behind Happiness

My journey into the realm of happiness led me to insights shared by Professor Bruce Hood of the University of Bristol, who emphasizes the human tendency to inflate our shortcomings. He proposes that cultivating balance is vital, as our minds often lean toward negative interpretations. However, he also acknowledges that for individuals with PTSD, such solutions may not suffice.

Having been diagnosed with PTSD in 2008, my condition is deeply rooted in unique experiences. While certain practices and therapies have facilitated recovery for me—such as medication to soothe anxiety and engaging with others who share similar struggles—these do not guarantee a universal remedy for everyone.

One staggering statistic from the British Medical Association reveals over one million individuals in England await mental health treatment, highlighting a pervasive issue of accessibility and funding in mental health care.

Unveiling the Truth About Happiness

In my relentless quest, I ultimately concluded that the secret to happiness is no secret at all—it is simply around us, waiting to be embraced. However, it is not always readily available and often coexists with pain, change, and hardship. As Whitney Goodman, author of "Toxic Positivity," points out, chasing constant happiness can lead to disappointment.

In my time wading through therapy, I learned that true happiness often lurked through commitment, connection, and simple acts. The moments that transpired after I stabilized my mental health painted a clearer picture for me—joy blossomed not through validations or accolades but from genuine actions and relationships.

Returning to Simplicity

In my pursuit of happiness, I began doing elementary activities: creating a daily gratitude list, letting poetry calm my troubled mind, enjoying long walks with my dog by the River Thames, and embracing simple chores at home. Connection emerged as a critical ingredient; I began valuing relationships and actively participating in the lives of those I loved.

Acts of kindness became part of my routine—a principle echoed by Finnish philosopher Frank Martela. It’s noteworthy that Finland ranks as the top country on the World Happiness Index, emphasizing the power of social connections and benevolent behavior.

One poignant lesson from my past was shared by a beloved friend, Gordon Duncan, an addiction counselor who helped me recognize the anger within me. During his final days in the hospital, as I whispered a prayer that epitomized acceptance and courage, I could barely articulate the strength he had instilled in me, reminding me, "You're stronger than you think."

The Continuous Journey

As I pen these reflections, I am reminded of the words of Raymond Carver, whose epigraph echoes my journey: “And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.”

Tomorrow, I will awaken, unlock the curtains, savor a morning coffee, and cherish those dear to me, all while remaining committed to the ongoing work of cultivating genuine happiness in my life.

Through outreach, understanding, and a willingness to face life's challenges, we all glean insights from experiences, creating pathways not only to personal well-being but to a community of love and support.